Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

Is it ever ok to lie?

What a difficult question to answer.

We've all done it, we've all regretted it, but is there ever a time when it's acceptable to lie to someone?

I'm not talking about cheating spouses, politicians, or criminals, but the breaking of trust within a circle of friends, acquaintances, people you know, people you work with, family etc. 

A "fib" is the "little white lie".  When you're on the phone, have to go to the bathroom, and just can't get the person on the other end to hang up so you tell them someone is at the door so you have to go.  I think we've all done this.

Some teenagers like to tell a "small" lie about coming in 15 minutes past curfew, or how the dent got in the car bumper.  We've all told or heard the great break-up lie, "it's not you, it's me".  Have you ever had a date that wasn't so great and as you're parting you say, "I'll call you"?  Lie.

There are times when it's smart to lie.  A wife will put on a pair of pants/skirt/jeans she wore in high school and ask her husband, "Do these make me look fat?"  The man has no choice.  Lie or die.  I really don't know why we put our husbands through this, but it's in our DNA passed down from our mother's and grandmother's. 

It may be that a lie is necessary, under certain circumstances, to spare someones feelings.  I can appreciate that. I had a person give me a sweater one Christmas that looked horrible on me.  Yes, I told them it was great, and wore it once around them.  I'm sure it went in the donation bin soon after.

I have some very close friends.  We joke, laugh, have a good time, and see each other through all the crap life deals us.  I would do anything for them and I trust them completely.  I would never lie to them, and believe they would never lie to me.

Recently, over the past few months, I was led to believe I had a some new friendships develop.  Apparently I was wrong.  This is a lie that is not acceptable.  I don't give friendship freely, and when I do, it's because I genuinely like the person, want to spend time with them, and I trust them.  A friend doesn't look you in the eye and blatantly lie to you.  I understand being cautious when first meeting someone, but after you feel an actual friendship has started, there is a trust that forms.  This is a bad lie.  A painful lie.  A lie I hope I don't have to deal with ever again in my lifetime.  I'm sure I'll get over it, but right now it's raw, it still hurts and I won't forget.

The lesson I've learned here is, there are acceptable lies.  A fib, now and then really doesn't seem to hurt anyone, but the lie that breaks the heart?  Not acceptable and very hard to forgive.  It will be a long time before I offer my friendship again.