Today the vet put my dog to sleep. It's the most painful experience I've ever had to go through in my life.
A bit of background -
About 9 years ago, I heard about a family moving to Arizona, and they had 2 dogs they needed to give away. I wasn't looking for a dog, but I thought I'd check into it. When I arrived at the house, this adorable Miniature Schnauzer was poking his head out of the screen door. He was jumping and dancing around, so excited someone was at the door. I still wasn't really into getting a dog, but when they told me one of the dogs had been given away, and they were going to have to put this one down if no one would take him, I picked him up, put him in my car, and took him home. Bailey was mine.
From the moment we walked in the door of my home, it wasn't my home anymore. It was his. He sniffed all around, made my cat stay in the basement, and laid claim to the sofa so he could look out the window. When he wasn't watching the neighborhood, he was on my lap. The first time he looked up at me with those dark brown eyes, I was in love.
You could never pet him enough. He would lick my hand for just a bit more love and he'd get it. When he wasn't sitting with me he'd be on the floor at my feet. He'd lick my foot and get a belly rub. He was definitely a love pup.
About 6 years ago, I was diagnosed with Lupus and other auto-immune diseases. Bailey (Bailey Boy by this time) knew when I was hurting. He'd jump up on my bed and snuggle up beside me or lay his head on me. He'd smile and it just made me feel better. He always knew when I needed him most and he was always there.
Today he needed me. He needed me to hold him, and let him go.
He started to slow down a few months ago. He's 12 now, and breathing hard. The vet showed me his enlarged heart on the x-ray and said he would get worse. He did. That was about three months ago. I noticed last week how swollen his little body was, and how difficult it was for him to walk. He was starting to leave spots on the carpet, and could only take a couple steps at a time before laying down. He would still put his head on my lap, but I had to lift him up to the sofa now, he couldn't jump up any more. The vet told me I would know when it was time. He became totally incontinent over the past few days, and this morning, he looked up at me with those dark brown eyes I fell in love with, and I knew. I had to let him go.
I did.
As I held him close, I thanked him for loving me, for being the greatest dog I ever owned, and for being there for me. I promised him I would never forget him, and I loved him too much to let him suffer any more. I felt him relax as the vet gave him the injection. I felt his heart slow, I felt his last breath, I felt my heart break. He was gone.
I've never felt this type of pain, but I know I made the right choice. Bailey Boy is now running through the grass, and feeling like a pup again. Yes, I do believe animals go to heaven, and I know I'll see him again some day, and that makes the pain a bit easier to handle.
I'll get another dog someday, and go through this again. The unconditional love of a pet is worth it, but there will never, ever be another Bailey Boy. Good bye my sweet, precious love, and rest peacefully.
