Where did the attitude of, "you owe it to me" come from?
As kids, we had an allowance given at the end of the week. We had a list of chores and once completed, we were given some change. Our chores did not include the daily things we were responsible for, such as making the bed, but extra's like sweeping the porch, mowing the lawn etc. You didn't do it, you didn't get your allowance.
When I had my first job, I remember punching the clock, and getting paid for the hours I worked. Pay was the minimum wage at the time ( I think $3.35/hr) and I absolutely hated the job, but I wanted some money, was old enough to work, so there ya' go. If you didn't work, you didn't get paid.
My friends and I were pretty much raised with the same types of values. All our parents worked, and we all worked when we were old enough. Oh sure, there was always one kid that had parents handing out money, but it wasn't the norm.
I have tried to instill these values into my son. You work, you get money. You don't work, you're broke. Get it? Apparently he doesn't get it. He has an opportunity to work this summer, but would rather stay home and mooch off me. We've discussed it and it's not going to happen. He lives here, he works. End of discussion.
The topic came up at the nail salon. Several women were talking about their adult children living at home and how hard it is on the wallet. I listened for awhile. One woman had a son who was out until 2am every night and sleeps all day. He gave her a list of stuff he wanted her to buy at the grocery store and she couldn't afford it all at once. He was mad, she felt bad, so she went and bought it all anyway. "Oh it's so hard to raise kids these days", she said. I continued to listen. Another woman was just so tired. Her daughter and three kids live with her and she has to get up with the baby every night because her daughter needs her sleep. Without sleep she's just cranky, so she lets her sleep. No, the daughter doesn't have a job, but gets a food card and Medicaid. The other women had basically the same stories. Kids living at home - all over 18 - some have kids of their own and they all live with mom. Mom takes care of it all. How they're all able to be on government support living at home is beyond me, but most all get some type of assistance.
All of these women, ALL of them, felt they "owed it" to the kids. The kids all feel their mom "owes it" to them.
Why? Why is it "owed"? I gave birth to my son. It wasn't his choice to be born, but mine. So, based on that, I felt I "owed" him the best life I could give him while I raised him. Now that he's an adult, I don't "owe" him squat. I will always love him, support his ideas and plans (for the most part), and - God forbid - should something happen to his health, I would take care of him without any problem. Once our kids are grown adults, we don't "owe" them anything.
Maybe part of why the welfare system is on overload is because too many parents have taught their children life is "owed" to them. I just don't understand that attitude and would love it if someone would explain it to me. A job, working, that's part of paying our dues in life.
The discussion with my son ended with me saying this to him - I believe anyone that has an ounce of self respect about them got where they're at by working for it. Your parents, grandparents, great-grandparents all worked for what they had. You come from a long line of hard workers and now it's expected of you to do the same. Someday, when you're sitting in your nice home filled with stuff, you'll be able to look around and appreciate the fact that no one handed you anything. You worked for it and can hold your head high, proud of who you are.
